Trust is a fascinating concept. Let’s take a closer look at it. What do you actually mean when you say “I trust you”? When I say that I think that I don’t have to be afraid of the other person hurting me easily. It doesn’t really prevent me from getting hurt by this person, I’ve been through that, but it creates a safe enough space for me to let down my guard and to show more of me than I would with people that I don’t trust.
The words “I trust you” are also having an effect on the receiving end. What happens with you when you hear these words? I remember feeling somewhat honored that I deserve the quality label “Trustworthy Person”. Today I don’t give much on such labels anymore. It feels kind of nice to be trusted, I admit but I usually don’t really understand what the other person means by that. So I always ask 😉
Through my work I found that ultimately, Trust is a means of control. If I tell you that I trust you, I try to create an obligation on your side. If you break my trust you’ll be labeled as an untrustworthy person and who would want that label, right? Obligations like any other expectation create pressure or better said: we use obligations to create pressure on ourselves or others.
Now, don’t misunderstand me when I say Trust is a means of control. Control in iteself is nothing bad. We need a certain amount of control to live a livable life. I found though that when I let go of the concept of Trust, I perceive my relationships a bit differently. I also feel a lot more vulnerable. Therefore I only let go of the concept of Trust with people that I Trust 😉 and that still got me hurt. The only difference was that no Trust was broken.
So what makes you trust another person? Can you actually trust yourself? How would you do that? Why would you ever not trust yourself? Who would it be that (not) trusts her- or himself?